We are on day 5 of vacation. Oh how I want to love vacation. I want to relax, not check email, not look at the clock, lay in bed with my husband, basically, the dream. My vacation reality is waking up to screams of bloody murder the ONE night I tried to sleep in a different room from my son, getting a shoe thrown at me for removing iPad privileges and getting followed as if I’ve been assigned my very own personal stalker. I sobbed yesterday because I just wanted a “normal” day. No hitting, no kids arguing, no being told to shut up by a 4 year old.
Then, there’s the flip side. There’s watching O really see the beach for the first time and loving it. It’s seeing him find the joy in putting seashells in his bucket and getting more and more brave in the water, inch by inch. It’s seeing him run up and ask to take his shirt off because that’s what the other boys are doing. It’s watching big brother catch 5 fish for the first time and telling tall fisherman tales about the size of each one. It’s taking time to write this because one is at the beach and one is so worn out that he has to have a nap.
I have a lot of anxiety in general right now. What will the school year bring for each boy next year? Will they thrive? Will O prove that he is just not able to function in a regular classroom? Will I be able to juggle their days with grace? Will I ever not be the mom that yells? Every day, I feel like I’m losing sight of the big picture and I forget to bask in the pure moments. And that is the worst feeling.
Our SENSE-ational Life 